Ladies' Night

"Sorry I hadn't made up a bed for you before," said Mrs Johnson, patting down the sheets. "But we just assumed you'd, you know, sleep with Buckaroo. Well, not sleep with, as such, but..."
"It's OK" said Penny, with a shrug. "I know this must be difficult for you guys."
"I bet it's more difficult for you."
"Yeah."
"Wanna talk about it? It's only two o'clock, we've got all night."
Penny sat down on the bed. "I don't even know where to start. I mean, Buckaroo's gorgeous. Some people would give their eye teeth to spend five minutes with him, let alone a whole night, but I want to know that he really cares about me. Me. Not my dead sister, not a ghost, but Penny Priddy. We've only known each other a couple of days."
She turned to Mrs Johnson and asked, "Am I really like Peggy?"
"Spitting image. When you walked in, I forgot for a minute that it couldn't be her."
"Everyone says she was beautiful. Funny, I never thought of myself as beautiful. Kids in school used to call me Penny Pretty and joke about it. But what I really meant was, what was she like as a person?"
"Oh." Mrs Johnson paused. "Well, she was witty, charming. Full of life. She could walk into a room and it was as if the whole place had lit up."
"So that's what I've got to compete with." muttered Penny to herself. "She was Miss Wonderful and I'm like something that the cat dragged in."
"Cheer up. Have a lollipop." Mrs Johnson pulled a box out from behind a cupboard. "I have to hide them or else Buckaroo would eat the lot."
They each took a lollipop and sat there in a friendly silence broken, only by slurping and crunching noises, until Penny burst out, "But it's not just her ghost that's bothering me. All the guys. They're all so smart. I bet no other bunch of people in the world chats about particle physics over lunch. I feel like a stupid kid listening to them."
"Just because you haven't had the benefit of their education doesn't make you stupid."
"I am." Penny looked close to tears.
"No, you're not." Mrs Johnson reassured her. "Perfect Tommy said you understood Buckaroo's speech at the press conference. A stupid person couldn't do that."
"That's right!" Penny's face brightened. "Maybe I am smarter than I thought I was. Or maybe that stuff about twins being kind of linked, mentally, is right." A thought occurred to her. "Perfect Tommy was talking to you about me? What does he think?"
"Oh, he approves, I guess. It's hard to be sure with Tommy sometimes."
"That's another thing that's been bothering me. They all behave as though I know them, but I don't. All except New Jersey, that is. He's sweet. He doesn't treat me like a ghost."
"That's because he never knew Peggy. He joined us just after your dramatic entrance."
"Reno watches me. I can see him sometimes out of the corner of my eye. Do you think he doesn't like me?"
Mrs Johnson laughed. "Don't let that worry you! He's the one who chronicles everyone's adventures. He's probably trying to figure out how to describe you in a book without people getting you described with Peggy."
Penny snorted. "If people who knew her can't realise that I'm a different person with the same face, what chance do people who never met either of us have?" She looked across at Mrs Johnson and said, "Sorry I'm so gloomy. I bet I'm ruining your evening."
"Of course you're not. I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be. What with Pecos in Tibet, Big Norse at World Watch One, and Cactus Cassie god knows where, it's been a long time since I've chatted to another girl."
"You know, you're the only one I've been able to talk to. You're not uneasy. How come?"
"I'm used to dealing with ghosts."
"Let me guess. Mr Johnson?"
"Right." She sighed. "Flyboy. I knew being a Cavalier could be dangerous, but it was so important to him. And I married him. And he died. I didn't think he'd die so young. But then, everyone thinks they'll live forever when they're young. I wish we'd had a kid, though."
She stopped and looked into space for a moment, then continued.
"Anyway, I knew he wouldn't want me to mourn forever so I got involved with all this. It makes me feel like I'm carrying on his life for him. In a way I suppose I'm a mother here, running around after all of them. It's fun, and pretty soon I night be a Cavalier, with a bit of luck."
"Don't you have to be able to play an instrument?"
"Yeah. I play bass."
"I'm not musical at all."
"Bet you can sing, though."
"How did you know?"
"Lucky guess?" Mrs Johnson grinned. "Actually, Peggy had a great voice, and you sound like her."
"Back to my ghost again."
"I was her ghost once."
"What?!" exclaimed Penny.
"Don't panic, I'll explain. Peggy was killed on her wedding day, and Buckaroo tried to frighten the man he thought was responsible into confessing by rigging a seance. I pretended to be Peggy."
"But you don't look anything like me!"
"He was too scared to look closely at the time."
"Where is he know?"
"He's dead."
"Oh." Penny couldn't think of anything to say to that.
There was silence again, until Mrs Johnson got up and announced, "This is getting too depressing. Let's do something naughty!"
"Like what?"
"Like sneaking into the bunkhouse. The guys sit there till all hours chatting some nights. Why shouldn't we ladies have a turn?"
"Won't Buckaroo get annoyed if he catches us?"
"No. That stuff about the bunkhouse being off limits to everyone except Cavaliers is just so he can find somewhere to breathe in peace. Besides, if we're careful he'll never know. Anyway, what's the point in me having a set of keys for every room in the Institute if I can't try them all out?"

So they sneaked over to the bunkhouse. As Mrs Johnson put the key in the lock, Penny pulled at her sleeve and whispered, "How do you know it'll be empty?"
"They've just saved the world, haven't they? I'm sure they're too busy recuperating to stay up and have midnight discussions. No one will be in there. Come on, don't be chicken."
But somebody was in there. As they entered the room, the first thing that caught their attention was Perfect Tommy crawling around on his hands and knees, waving a scarf under the piano.
"If you're trying to start a new dance craze, I don't think it's going to catch on," said Mrs Johnson loudly.
"Ow!" Perfect Tommy had looked up, startled, and banged his head on the piano. In a desperate attempt to regain his cool, he said, "It's part of an experiment to find out whether carpet produces less static if you crawl on it rather than walk." He stood up haughtily, at which point his cool was totally lost, as a small kitten poked its head out of his shirt and started licking his chin.
"I found it outside, and it looked kind of hungry...," he began, bashfully.
"There's some milk and some cold meat in the refrigerator," said Mrs Johnson. "You'd better feed it before it eats you alive."
"Thanks." Tommy turned to leave, and then said, "oh, and Mrs Johnson..."
"I haven't seen you and you haven't seen me," she concluded.
"Right. Good night." He walked out, cuddling the kitten.
Penny giggled and flopped into a chair. "What a big softy!"
"Like I said, it's hard to tell sometimes with Tommy. He might feed it to his snakes tomorrow." She sat down next to Penny and asked, "So, what do you think of this place?"
"I like it. I think I'll stay around for a while. You could do with some help with all these men."
"Don't use me as an excuse!"
"No, I really do want to stay now. Thanks for talking to me tonight, Mrs Johnson."
"Any time."
"I can't go on calling you Mrs Johnson. You must have a first name."
"Eunice."
"Oh."
"Now you know why my friends call me Mrs Johnson!"


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